It touches me....
Well, just another regular day of work, nothing new. Have received a email from friend couple of days ago recommending this Korean movie "The Classic" directed by the same director who directed "My Sassy Girl", which remained my favorite love movie until now. Trusting my guts, I've decided to go for it since it's cheaper to watch on weekday. I've seen Linda online, chatted with her for a while and since I'm thinking of watching the movie, thought it might be a good chance to meet up for a movie. I might be worried that she may have the wrong idea since I'll be watching a love movie but that was not my agenda at all. Anyway, she backed out as she felt that it will not be a good movie. Since she had backed out, I chose to watch the movie today, alone. Yeah, kinda weird to watch such movie alone, especially when I'm gonna be surrounded by couples. Frankly I don't really get bothered by it anymore. I must say this movie really touched me. It has its comedic parts which I find them very very funny, but it's the romance part that really invokes my deepest feelings. Haven't had that feeling since I last watched "Shrek". Especially when the lead actor had to force himself to leave the actress in order to prevent his good friend from commiting suicide again and when I saw the scenes where they loved each other but can't stay together due to many circumstances make me remember some of my heart pains when I've fallen for Liqin. The memories are very blurred but the feelings are very sure. I had to fight back my tears to prevent embarressment but it really hurts. The combination of the scenes with the theme music really blends well and whenever I try to put myself in the shoes of the lead actor, I can feel his pain and agony. Especially the last part, where he willing to give up the love for her happiness. I felt like my heart weighs a thousand pounds. Although the ending is a happy one, the sad ending of the older generation relationship really invokes a feeling that I find it very hard to detach even after the movie ends. As I'm typing this, I'm listening to the theme song and I can feel the tears in my eyes, where the feeling of wat I've experienced years comes back. My rational side had told me give her up as we're definitely not possible to be together since her attitute towards me is very cold. However, deep inside, no matter how hard I want to try, I just can't forget about her. No matter wat, I'll recommend this movie to my friends even if it's only good in my own view.

Another boring day
Well, things haven't been very happening. Wondering whether is it a good thing or not...

As usual, Yesterday I rode home straight from work, feeling kinda tired. Don't know why, I will feel damn sleepy during work but when I reach home, the sleepiness is gone. I wonder is it because that I'm getting tired of the job? Boy, I can't bloody wait to get the MCSE certificate and find a true IT job.

Finally I managed to pick myself up and work out "Revelation" by Helloween on the guitar. I've been wanting to play since a long time but always got something else to do in the end. I liked this song due to its riffs. Although it's not a ultra-technical song, but I could learn at least something from it. I've managed to get about 50% of the song and since this song is pretty "muddy", I got to work on it thru headphones, which is not my usual way of working songs out. Probably after this, I'll be going after "Metropolis", which will probably take me months to get it!

It's not a day for PC games too, seems that I wasn't in luck for it. I played GTA: Vice City and I just basically stuck at this mission where I gotta save Lance from the mobs in the junkyard. Hope I could complete that mission by tonite. I wasn't in luck in Day of Defeat as well. Usually I was ok with my usual weapon: the MG, but yesterday what disappoints me is the lack of teamwork display in the game, resulting in my team keep losing the battle. Haiz, guess I gotta work harder on the weapon.

Edwin had called me yesterday, asking for my help. Finally I can put my hands on audio equipments again. So tonite I'll be going to his shop to set up the Behringer equipments, think I could get things up in no time.

Skies are finally cleared
Finally, things are getting better. Everything seems to be falling into place again. Received a message from a riding buddy yesterday saying that his bike had broken down in Malaysia the previous nite and it seems that the damage is pretty bad....screwed up engine. I really wanted to help him but there's nothing I can do at all. All I can do is to hope that his repair bill won't be too high. In the night, I saw her again on ICQ, and talked to her. She was fine and we've talked for a long time and we tried to clear the misunderstanding we had the other day. She was just having a bad patch and I had just took it personally, so all just came at the wrong time. At least now we know each other slightly better and I really believe that things will get better in time to come.

Upsetting....
What the hell has happened? I saw her on ICQ yesterday and tried to talk to her, hoping that things will be like normal. But as we talk I can sense her anger towards me. It didn't take very long when she begin to act hostile towards me. She kept emphasing that I've done her wrong, but when I asked her wat did I do, and she refused to tell me, saying that I'll find excuses for myself. The whole conversation is hell, as every sentence I made were deemed an injustice done to her. I'm wondering if it was the incident that I didn't talk to her despite seeing her online? But if that's the reason, com'on, I was in a foul mood then and I'll definitely don't want to start a quarrel coz of my mood rite? I've never got into this deep shit before, and I tried to control my temper as best as I can and not saying anything that could make thing worse. I even bring myself down to apologise to her and yet she insisted that I'm not sincere enough. What does she want? She wants me to make myself absolutely worthless then she'll be happy? Hey, she's not even my girlfriend and I had to go through this shit. Seriously, I'm really glad to know it's a bliss to be single. But deep inside, I still hope that she'll cool down soon and we are back to our usual chat. I really feel damned upset right now, and seriously wished I can do something to make her happy again...

Sianz.... thoughts are running wild again. I'm beginning to think and evaluation my friendship with others. I just asked myself, "Are friends refer to people who are there for you only when they need you?" I've been asking myself this questions over and over again. It seems that recently this has been happening to me. I'm not asking for anything in return but I just want the experience the real feeling of a true friendship, give, take and share. Of course I have 2 persons whom I truly regard as "friends" but most are evaluated as "people who just pass by my life" or in other words, "acquaintance". Nah.....perhaps just one of my moody days where I just have all these negative energies and thoughts in my head and guess that blogging seems to help me without affecting anyone around me....

Yesterday night was pretty ok and also pretty sucked. It was ok coz I've tried the new Trillian instant messager on my PC and finally got it to work. It's always satisfying to get something working :). When I got it to work, I saw someone online; a girl whom I liked. Well, at least I think I liked her. You see, I put her on my "invisible" list so she can't see me even if I'm online. I hated to do this and I really wanted to tok to her but wat she said to me last week really set me thinking about the definition of "Friendship". Although I've never met her (we are in different countries), I've always treated her as someone whom I can really relate to. After wat she said to me that day, I realised I was wrong, and gets me thinking that I trusted people too easily. I was happily chatting with her and asking about her plans on her birthday, and she told me that since we never see each other before, wouldn't I be worrying that she's some crook? Of course I can pass that remark off as nonsense, but I choose not to. Why? coz my mind had started wondering about our friendship. I've started thinking if our friendship is a sincere one, coz a sincere friend wouldn't have said such things. Later on, I choose to end the conversation coz I know I can't continue the conversation with that state of mind. Yesterday I saw her online again, this time she's on visible mode (she usually set herself in invisible mode). I can't bring myself to talk to her even though I wanted to, for I know I'll sounded different if I did. Finally in the end, I didn't talk to her. Am I too petty? Or am I too sensitive? I don't know myself, probably it's my fault after all as she's may be just passing a playful remark. However at least I know that our friendship is definitely a fragile one. That really make my day.......